I have caught myself thinking about alcohol a lot today. Each time I go “no, no, no. no more. you have a problem. you are done. stop wasting the space on that crap.” I imagine how easy it would be to just grab some wine, bail on Pilates class, and drink the entire bottle in two hours. Only in turn to wake up in the morning and continue to hate myself and dwell on the fact that I can’t get past all of this. There is this very small linger of hope I look to that says “you will really enjoy sober life. once you find it. you will love it. keep going.”
So with that being said I have decided to sit down and make a list of all the reason I need/want/have to quit drinking.
1) I always regret the amount I drink the morning after, almost every single time.
2) It makes me fat, bloated, and gross.
3) It makes me lazy. Not only do I not work out, ever – the thought of cooking or walking to get something fairly healthy for dinner seems like a ridiculous task so I order expensive/unhealthy food instead.
4) I spend a shit ton – I mean a shit ton of money on booze. And the expensive food to go with it.
5) I become an overly sensitive, touchy mess with everything. Tone.. Jokes.. Comments.. all of them. Not only that but then I lash out on whoever “offended” me.
6) With #5 comes arguments, tears, and depression. A lot of all those things.
7) Did I mention it makes me sensitive which leads to arguments and tears? Ya, it does that.
8) I sleep like crap. I will usually wake up from 2 am to 6 am just thinking about “why did I drink so much. I cannot keep living this way” thoughts.
9) When I sleep like crap I then call into work late. Not great Sauvvy.. Not great.
10) It makes me feel awful and terrible about myself. In every shape and form.
11) I don’t remember anything. Literally anything. All the talks I’ve had. Concerts I’ve been to. Movies and shows I’ve seen. I don’t remember them.
12) I am not happy with myself because of my drinking problem and I will not ever be genuinely happy if I continue to drink.
Ok. That’s what I have for now, but I would say for 5 minutes of typing that is only scratching the surface.