I feel like everytime I come here to write about something it’s always about how “terrible” or how “bad” my life is. That really makes me quite sad looking back on it because – my life isn’t bad. My life isn’t terrible. My first niece and nephew arrived this past Saturday and it reminded me how beautiful life truly is. I’ve never been one who wanted kids, but seeing them come into this world was truly wonderful. How is it that this substance and this addiction can make me feel so incredibly different about my life. I am not happy with this addiction, obviously. Who is?! It’s making me hate myself and in all honesty has actually been progressively getting worse. To the point where everyday I wake up feeling like I am slowly killing myself day by day.
Today is the day I ask for help. I am going to research therapists. I have always wanted to speak to a therapist and I actually think having someone to talk to and help me clean up the bullshit in my life would help me get on the right track to sobriety. I am inexperienced in this part so who has any tips on choosing a therapist and is this something generally covered by medical insurance? Any help would be greatly appreciated. 🙂
drunk on sauv 
I’m in d exactly same position have not left bed in two days so bad d paranoia and feeling of utter resentment, suicidal thoughts as well. Fucked myself up completely yet again. Had enough
😦 im sorry Rossdow. Let’s do this together. We both know we are ready.
Eye has to be for good this time spent to long in d guttrr
Why d hell do we do this? It’s illogical finally up to face d music, my bank account is drained. Can’t remember half it. Jasus.
Hugs to you both. I know exactly how you’ll feel. With me, it’s porn. 11+ months clean & today back to Square 1.
The trick is to not give up though. I’m starting again today, join me.
DOS, linked to you on my blog so I’ll check up on you (please check up on me too) X
Therapy changed the way I viewed my addiction and is really helping me with emptying out that dark and dingy closet. The secrets and the shame will keep you in the drinking cycle and once you bring it to the light and realize that its the past and you don’t need to “escape” it anymore then the darkness lifts. I have always thought therapy was such a sham but it was mainly because these were MY secrets and I believed no one else deserved to know them and I just needed to suffer through them. You might not have the darkest secrets or shame that you are even aware of but there is a REASON you drink and its no longer for fun.
When I finally had enough I researched therapists that specialized in substance abuse on google and came across someone that kind of popped out to me. They usually will have a session that is free that you can just meet up and see if you two click. My appointments are sadly not covered by insurance but some of therapists will work with you on an income basis, you just have to ask! Paying for therapy curved my desire to drink because now I had skin in the game and if I drank I was literally taking money and setting it on fire not to mention the embarrassment of going into the office and realizing how repetitive and obnoxious my drinking was and having to say “well i drank because I was bored”
Getting help is SO FREAKING BRAVE and it is an investment in yourself and your life! Its scary at first but you need someone to talk to that understands the path you are on and can call you on your bullshit 🙂
Sorry so long but I know therapy is why I am sober today. Keep your head up Rossdow and Drunkonsauv this is all part of the rocky journey uphill that makes it so worth it in the end!
This is fantastic information. Thank you SO much. I really think that it may turn things around for me becuase like most I drink to escape how shitty i feel about myself (which drinking is why i feel so shitty). I am a hamster on the wheel and need to find out how i can get off. Thank you so much again, xoxo
Look up addictions therapists. Call the first one (mine is a woman, I like that) that catches your eye. Make an appointment for tomorrow.
If she can’t take you, as her to recommend someone.
Google AA. Go to a meeting tonight.
Surrender. Accept. Try.
I completely understand that feeling of self destruction. I was killing myself slowly. And that is a horrible place to be.
You can do it. Take the big steps. Hold on tight to the idea that life can be better. Because it is so can.
You deserve joy and happiness. It is there is you remove the booze.
Thank you so much Ain. I feel like you have watched me go up and down since the very beginning – thank you so much for sticking with me. And thank you for this information. I will take any help I can get. 🙂 xoxo
Keep going.
I was in that spiral for a long time and was so very scared to ask for help.
But once I did things changed. It is worth the fear. I promise.
How long have you been sober now? I know life will be better without booze. I am sure your life change dramatically for the better.
Today is 18 months.
I was never able to get a week before.
Everything is just so much clearer and easier to deal with now.
I never believed in happiness. And now my life is full of excitement and pure joy.
It’s hard to believe booze is that negative. But it is.
damn thats amazing! Congratulations!!!! I hope to one day so those things to others who are battling with this. I know how happy “I could be”. The darkness is just so hard to get out of when you are this far in.
So glad you’re taking this step. I’m relieved and happy for you. @ainsobriety’s advice is actually great. I’d add that if you’re at all unsure of the first one, or if you have a bit of time, do as much research on therapists online as you can. And don’t be afraid to try 2 or 3 therapists if you need to to find the right one. Googling “find an addiction therapist” is a good start to find the listing sites. Then check out individual’s sites you’re interested in and call them to get a sense of them as a person.
Wishing you all the best.
Thanks Chris! Made two calls today. 😀 really ready to make this thing happen. Xoxo
40 Days ago I did the same. Hit rock bottom… Got the help I finally needed and I am no longer in that dark place and fighting for that bottle of wine. Therapy is really helping and I feel like for the first time in along time I am thinking clear and I do not miss waking up with a dreaded hangover or the thought of what I have or haven’t said the night before because I am now steering the ship and am the Captain of my own destiny, early days however, I have not gone without a wine for one week in a very long time. Feeling strong however, very aware of the fact that I can only go forward now as I don’t want to return to the emptiness I felt when I drank wine. You can do this and I think it would be great for you to seek the help you deserve to start feeling sensational again.x
40 days congratulations!!!! That’s wonderful!!! And thank you for the advice and support. Really appreciate it!! Xoxo
I am so excited that you are looking for outside help. I am a BIG believer in therapy. Some of us need someone to help us look inward and figure shit out.
First time I went to see a therapist was to deal with a rather serious illness and breakup I couldn’t quite wrap my head around. The second time was to address my drinking.
My therapist was not abstinence-based which at the time was what I needed. She worked based on harm reduction. (This is a whole other long post I’ll do someday, but I would like to see more people leaning towards this model.) Her goal was to give me the tools to cut back on drinking and do it in a safer manner at the time. From there we would see where drinking fit in my life. Maybe I needed to stop all together, maybe not. BUT at the time it was far more important to safe guard my health, job, and mental well-being. That meant cutting back.
Doing so gave me the tools to completely stop. And acknowledge that I might drink again in the future. I’m not sure where I’m going with my no drinking, but we’ll see.
I basically did a google search based on the type of treatment I felt would work for me. We then had a free consult and went from there. Unfortunately, I don’t live there anymore or I would be seeing her periodically. She was great.
My insurance covered a portion of my therapy.
This is amazing information. Thank you so much CB. I am so happy you are doing so well! Xoxo
6 days without booze, d craving is terrible, left work early to avoid an evening piss up. Christ d time is crawling
Do you go to meetings? AA, SMART, SOS, etc? Have at least one sober friend to talk to? A therapist? Journal? Yoga?
Six days one-day-at-a-time is fantastic. Wishing you the best. You can do this.
Cheers I went to an AA meeting. Walked out half way through too many God borrowers, was to focused on faith for my liking to be honest. Might try again if I get through weekend. Valuim helping at moment. Cheers for message
Find a few therapists you think may be a good fit (either through your own research or word of mouth from trusted friends), and meet with any really promising ones once before you make a decision. I firmly believe it is your right to decide who will best serve you and be the best match for you, not just whoever is the first available counselor. Best wishes to you!
17 days in and wallop destroyed myself with jd missed more work now dying with hangover. Fuck sake here we go again.
DoS, just read your post and so many of your thoughts touched on what I have in my head today. I am only newly sober – about a week – and the cycle you talk about is exactly what I have been thinking about. So fucking frustrating!
I can completely understand. It’s amazing how similar we all can be at times like this. This disease is truly awful. congrats on one week! Keep going! I’m right behind you!!
Went straight from therapy to the fucking bar,followed swiftly by a bottle of jd back to day one. Will I learn this time…………
Trying again to be sober,roundabouts and whiskey
Fuck booze
Hey.. Just wanted to tell you – good on you for reaching out for help. Will say a prayer you get to the root of the problem & it’s weeded out by God’s grace.
Also wanted to say Kudos to all those encouraging you. I know from my personal failed attempts at addiction recovery (mine being a porn recovery, 4months+ clean) that all the encouragement helps! God bless you all.