So per usual. I sit here after falling off the wagon and I feel absolutely terrible. I waste away my entire day remorseful and regretting the decision I made the night before to drink. I feel sluggish. Fat. Awful. Any word really to describe an individual which is not positive. I feel awful about myself. I am bloated, hating how my body looks and I know I can look better. Yet I still make the nightly decision to drink, and then the drinking leads to over eating and eating things so bad for me I would never imagine eating them sober. I realize that if I changed my nightly habit that the next day would feel tremendously better. I know the weight wont fall off in one day (even though I really wish it would!!!) But at least it would begin the process. Instead of feeling good about myself I just wither away in insecurity and self pity. It is quite depressing really. I believe that that is why I drink, come to think of it. I drink to forget about all the negative thoughts I have during the day – only to lead me to the next day of negative thoughts – and back again. So instead of dealing with the pain and agony I simply shut it up for a few hours with alcohol. Makes no damn sense. And I know that. It is just a matter of doing something about it – and that is my current struggle.
5 thoughts on “Remorse”
Are you feeling any better today?
a little better today. still not great. just need to take it one day at a time – i am in my head so much i start to psych myself out.
How far did you make it before you fell off the wagon? I’m in a similar boat so if you want, I can be a friend throught this. My last drink was on Sunday and I felt the same way as you on Monday. We can do this 🙂 🙂
aw thank you so much!!!!! 20 days was my longest. UGH. i remember how hard it was – but how much better i felt. LETS DO THIS!
Have you read the book Sober Revolution? I thought there was some worthwhile information in that book. I like the analogy of thinking of alcohol like a bad partner/relationship. Sure it sucks when you first break up, you can be full of all kinds of uncertainty, you second guess yourself but eventually time passes and you get through it. I found it helpful thinking of alcohol in the same context. It has helped me get over the urges because I liken it to my last break-up and remember how it took some time but I eventually got over it. It kind of normalized the withdrawal from alcohol in a way I could identify with.
So far this has been working, but it has only been a week so we will see. All in all I feel pretty strong. Good luck with this weekend, it’s definitely going to be tricky for me 🙂