addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle


So per usual.  I sit here after falling off the wagon and I feel absolutely terrible.  I waste away my entire day remorseful and regretting the decision I made the night before to drink.  I feel sluggish.  Fat.  Awful.  Any word really to describe an individual which is not positive.  I feel awful about myself.  I am bloated, hating how my body looks and I know I can look better.  Yet I still make the nightly decision to drink, and then the drinking leads to over eating and eating things so bad for me I would never imagine eating them sober.  I realize that if I changed my nightly habit that the next day would feel tremendously better.  I know the weight wont fall off in one day (even though I really wish it would!!!)  But at least it would begin the process.  Instead of feeling good about myself I just wither away in insecurity and self pity.  It is quite depressing really.  I believe that that is why I drink, come to think of it.  I drink to forget about all the negative thoughts I have during the day – only to lead me to the next day of negative thoughts – and back again.  So instead of dealing with the pain and agony I simply shut it up for a few hours with alcohol.  Makes no damn sense.  And I know that.  It is just a matter of doing something about it – and that is my current struggle. 

5 thoughts on “Remorse

  1. How far did you make it before you fell off the wagon? I’m in a similar boat so if you want, I can be a friend throught this. My last drink was on Sunday and I felt the same way as you on Monday. We can do this 🙂 🙂

      1. Have you read the book Sober Revolution? I thought there was some worthwhile information in that book. I like the analogy of thinking of alcohol like a bad partner/relationship. Sure it sucks when you first break up, you can be full of all kinds of uncertainty, you second guess yourself but eventually time passes and you get through it. I found it helpful thinking of alcohol in the same context. It has helped me get over the urges because I liken it to my last break-up and remember how it took some time but I eventually got over it. It kind of normalized the withdrawal from alcohol in a way I could identify with.

        So far this has been working, but it has only been a week so we will see. All in all I feel pretty strong. Good luck with this weekend, it’s definitely going to be tricky for me 🙂

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