addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle

Cant Win

I feel like this whole process is a lose lose at this point.  When I am drinking I am mad at myself each morning about drinking the night before – remorseful even.  So I spend my days dwelling on the facts that occurred the night before (or what I can remember of them).  And now that I am trying to quit drinking – all I think about is drinking.  Its one bad thing or another.  I don’t want to be remorseful and I don’t want to waste away my days thinking about drinking either.  Lose.  Lose. 

10 thoughts on “Cant Win

  1. Just rakes time….. I’m on hey 2nd go around on 57 dated and I don’t think about it much anymore. It takes time. Trust me, trust the process! Hugs

  2. When you quit drinking, you spend a lot of time thinking about drinking. Then one day you don’t think about it at all, then it happens for two days. It is a process. I felt the same way in the beginning. It felt like quitting drinking consumed my mind more than plotting drinking. Now it doesn’t. I have those trigger, smack you up side the head moments out of no where, but they are getting farther apart.
    It is better this way. I hated the self loathing and self doubt. All the things you are going through.
    It does take time, a lot of it. So far, life is better this way.
    Give it a shot. It takes 66 days to make a habit. Try it for 66 days, how can it be any worse than it is now? Right?
    Hugs

  3. I am noticing this about myself, too. You’re not alone in that! But isn’t the remorseful morning worrying about what you did worse than thinking about not drinking? I know they are both hard, but try to see that one is a lot better than the other. I agree with Soberlearning, life will be a lot better sober. We are all different than others, our life can’t be great if we continue to drink. I know that your life is going to be amazing and you CAN do this! I am only on day 4, I know the journey is going to be hard, but with all of the bloggers and pen pals, we have so much support! 🙂

    1. Absolutely!!!! The remorse and regret is by far so much worse. Hard to keep all this in perspective sometimes to say the least. Thanks so much for the support!

  4. Hey, one thing that really helps me is doing things to “get out of my head”. I cook meals twice a week at the local detox center. It really helps me feel better about myself, and as a bonus it’s a strong reminder of where I once was.

  5. Patience, my friend. It’s hard, very difficult to quit drinking. I drank for 43 years and finally quit 7 years ago. Patience, which you have none of right now 🙂 is vital in recovery. If you can do it “just today” you win. Don’t think of the future, tomorrow is never promised. Live in today, get busy, go to meetings and be patient. You are in my prayers. Hugs http://artmowle64.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/where-am-i/

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