addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle

The Excuses Begin… Day 3

So today begins the mind games. “I haven’t had a drink in two days. I could handle one”. “I’ll be fine with one. I got this under control” And so on… It really isn’t until I repeat them to myself and say “you see what you just did there?! You are making excuses to have a drink. Which will turn into 4. This is what stems from the problem you have that you must over come. This is part of the problem!” At that moment I realize that I haven’t come nearly as far as I need to and I need to power through. Continue to move forward day by day with the acceptance and realization that I have a constant struggle and problem with alcohol.

I haven’t told anyone about quitting drinking. For fear of failure really. For fear of disappointment. For fear of “I knew you weren’t gonna quit” comments. And the laughs which will happen behind my back. “Who is she kidding!!! We knew she wouldn’t quit! She’s said that a million times!” Back in November when I mentioned living 2014 sober one of my friends actually said “I give u two weekends. And you’ll be back at it.” Which in his defense – he doesn’t know I have a problem. So he saw me as a social drinker not for what I really am. It’s those moments that I dread of experiencing by telling someone.

15 thoughts on “The Excuses Begin… Day 3

  1. That’s awesome that you are able to play the tape to the end!! I can remember what a struggle it was at first trying to tell myself WHY I couldn’t have just one drink. The mind is amazing though and now it’s an automatic process. Drink –> NOPE lol

  2. I didn’t talk about it to anyone for 10 days. Now I’m at 50 days and I’ve told only a few people in my life besides my sons and father. The funny part is that after the furst week I started going to meetings and talk freely there. I think it’s partly that I need to do this for myself. I don’t want or need anyone else’s opinion on the subject unless they have walked this path. It’s too hard to add explaining and the like right now.
    Cheering you on,
    Jill about my sobriety at whomejk.wordpress.com

    1. I think you are spot on Jill! Even though I have that fear of failing I genuinely want this for myself. Regardless of who likes it or not. Putting it out there on the table for everyone will come with time! πŸ™‚

  3. It is a hard thing to come to that point.. But really it’s all about the disappointment in ourselves.. I have told my top 5 people in my life, and I get half full on support and the other half basically dangles booze in my face because they “know” I am always going to be a drinker… Keep posting here and reaching out.. Ay real life sober people around you? I am working towards that one.. It’s hard/scary shit.. Props to you and the hard work!
    Xo
    Lex

    1. Thank you so much for the feedback everyone. Luckily my boyfriend whom I spend majority of my time with only drinks about once a month. So that makes it a bit easier. I will for sure keep blogging and tweeting about all this. The positive response I have received even so soon has been wonderful and somewhat overwhelming πŸ™‚

  4. That’s the ego rebuilding…and the alcoholism whsipering sweet nothings in your ear…and that’s what happens. We drink, feel like crap, recoup a bit and then just when we barely have enough strength to keep going, alcohol comes into our vision, onto our radar again, aand says “hey! This time it’s going to be different, yes? C’mon…one won’t hurt, will it?” and then it goes again…and of course it’s not different – it’s the same or worse. usually worse for me.

    This is why the first few days are toughest…mind and body is still kicking the booze, the thoughts are still foggy and the body is doing it’s weird thing…lol.

    I wouldn’t worry about others right now – focus on your recovery. Don’t add any other pressures like fear of failing, etc. Just do what you need to do to get through today πŸ™‚
    Be gentle on yourself.

    Paul

    1. EXACTLY!!!! ugh. I can only imagine how pissed I would be if I were to cave! Got to just remember that it does get easier! Lord – feels so much like a bad break up with a boyfriend. hahaha. A very shitty boyfriend. lol.

  5. I just posted about this “You can have just one” bullshit. I recommend just pouring yourself into sober blogs and anything that will motivate you and inspire you to keep going. Literally, anything. I’m doing the 100 Day Challenge so I check in with peopel via email who keep me on track and encourage the hell out me.

    I feel you in not wanting to disappoint. It took me weeks to be honest with my closest friends about my desire to cut out booze. It’s fucking hard and requires you to really put yourself out there. There is no rule that says people need to know. But if you have anyone you can confide in who will be positive, I think it helps to have that one outlet.

    You got this.

    1. I have read a lot of people trying the 100 Day Challenge! I will have to look into it! I am sure when the time comes people will be supportive just that leap of faith is scary as hell – you are right! haha

  6. The first paragraph for my own Day 3 yesterday is so similar to yours that it’s scary! It’s great to see how you push through.

    Your words: “Continue to move forward day by day with the acceptance and realization that I have a constant struggle and problem with alcohol” are exactly what I need to think about and use as motivation to keep pushing on.

    You really sound like your head is in a good place to stay on track. Well done!

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I must say… you are the first person to say that something I wrote they wish to remember. That is amazing. And more powerful than I can even begin to express to you! Thank you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s