So today begins the mind games. “I haven’t had a drink in two days. I could handle one”. “I’ll be fine with one. I got this under control” And so on… It really isn’t until I repeat them to myself and say “you see what you just did there?! You are making excuses to have a drink. Which will turn into 4. This is what stems from the problem you have that you must over come. This is part of the problem!” At that moment I realize that I haven’t come nearly as far as I need to and I need to power through. Continue to move forward day by day with the acceptance and realization that I have a constant struggle and problem with alcohol.
I haven’t told anyone about quitting drinking. For fear of failure really. For fear of disappointment. For fear of “I knew you weren’t gonna quit” comments. And the laughs which will happen behind my back. “Who is she kidding!!! We knew she wouldn’t quit! She’s said that a million times!” Back in November when I mentioned living 2014 sober one of my friends actually said “I give u two weekends. And you’ll be back at it.” Which in his defense – he doesn’t know I have a problem. So he saw me as a social drinker not for what I really am. It’s those moments that I dread of experiencing by telling someone.