addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle

Day 2

Hello Blog-isphere.

Today is Day 2 of what I hope to be my road to recovery from a very LONG and exhausting battle with alcohol.  It’s been about 4 years of heavy drinking.  Started with about 2 bottles a night as I finally got out of a toxic and tumultuous relationship and has since come down to about 3-4 glasses a night which is now my norm during the week.  The weekends however, wow, another level.

I am unsure of what came over me this past November, but that is when I finally had a… “omg something has to be done. I can’t continue to live life this way” moment.  I contemplated living 2014 sober.. sadly was not the case as you can see.  Going into 2014 I was trying out only “Social” drinking for a couple weeks.  So no drinking at home/alone and only during outing with friends.  Went about 6 days of no alcohol which is a MILESTONE in the past 4 years of my life.  However that “only social” drinking lasted all of about two-three weeks.  I am back up to drinking about 5-6 days. I do not have that, “only stop after one” mentality that most people have so sadly even social drinking brought me back to my unhealthy habits.

This past weekend of getting drunk alone at home because “I was bored” I woke up on Monday wanting to be completely done. I laid in bed wide awake from 2-6 am just coming down from my drunkeness and did nothing but google “quit drinking” and read articles, and blog after blog of women who were are one point in a similar situation as I was in. One particular caught my eye – a blogger by the name – Unpickled. After reading almost every one of her blogs that morning – here I am! Wanting so badly to change and hoping that writing and seeking the help of others will get me through what at this time- seems to be impossible!