addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle

A Little Up – A Little Down

As the I sit here on Friday – my day 4 I remember where I was the last time I was semi successful at abstaining from alcohol (a total of 15 days.)  I wrote a post about how terrified I was that the weekend was coming.  I could not even begin to imagine how I could get through 2 days completely sober and I was an emotional, nervous wreck.

Well, I can happily say that at this go around, I feel much more comfortable with the weekend coming.  One of my good girlfriends knows that something is up with me as I bailed on a birthday party already this weekend so she nicely invited me over for wine.  As it was typed into my phone “oh well I am actually taking a break from drinking, but I will come see you and chat!” I stopped.  No.  That will not be the outcome.  Not with her or anyone for that matter at this point.  Her and I have spent a ridiculous amount of time drinking/drunk together.  Way more time than sober that’s for sure.  So even me putting out there that I will not drink – I will.  Or at-least be tempted and I am not ready for that reality and that internal struggle.

I feel a little in between today.  I feel good with my progression and my ability to acknowledge the potential issue if I were to go.  However, not so good that I know I will have to quarantine myself in the coming weeks to get some time under my belt and to come to terms with all of this change happening in my life.