I am unsure of how I got to this position in my life. How one day or if it was multiple days built up. I have lost relationships to this disease called addiction and I fear more will be lost if I do not do something. I read quotes by people who said “I would never have reached my full potential if I didn’t get sober.” And I could not relate more to that. I have those thoughts daily. I do believe I will beat this disease, I can envision my life without alcohol. I can see how happy I will be one day when I can say I am, 30 – 60 -90 days sober. I had my 27th birthday last week and I cannot be more determined to make this year better than the last. This will be the year that changes my life. I have started a new career path to build a life for myself and while I know I will one day be successful in it, I feel as though I cannot give it my all because of this disease. Something needs to change and something needs to give before this disease kills me.
Worries of the Weekend
As the weekend fast approaches I cannot help but feel so incredibly concerned for the obstacle that lies a head of me. I have not spent and entire weekend sober in over 4 years. Being an extremely social person I am always at brunches, dinners, bars, games, absolutely anything to get me out of the house. And when I am not in the house I waste away my days enjoying movies and a glass of champagne or Sauv. And by glass I mean one, two, or even three bottles throughout the entire day. It is how I would pass my time and generally would spend Friday until late Sunday if not just drunk completely smashed. My motto of “I Work to Live not Live to Work” rings in the back of my head which is why I would always be so occupied on the weekends.
During the week has felt a lot easier to not a glass or bottle at night as being in Los Angeles I have a 12 hour day with traffic and work. So being home only 3 hours before bed is just a fraction of the time I have to mentally not let myself go to the liquor store for a bottle. Seeing as it will be a full 48 hours of my own time to say no… I am pretty worried.