addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle

A little more positivity

So here I am!  Taking on Day 2.  Last night was not hard – especially coming off the ridiculous weekend I just had.  Tonight, I do not foresee being difficult either.  I went through my posts from February and my oh my were they quite down and depressing.  Which to be completely honest is the exact opposite of my personality if you ever met me!  I think last month was the hard core down and dirty realization that I need to quit drinking.  Whereas of now I know it needs to happen it is just MAKING it happen.  I have faith that I can do this – just have to take it one day at a time.  Continue to read sober blogs, continue to blog, and continue on sober.  I also read some great advice which is helping with my day to day mental games.  “Do not worry with when you start drinking again and if.  If you have decided to stop – stop and worry about those times when they get here.”  I started my 100 clock over as of yesterday so I need to not worry about drinking for 100 days – and deal with the days after when they get here.  🙂  

On a complete side note – I just booked my flights to Europe with my bf this morning!  I have not had a vacation in 6 years as I moved out to LA when I was 19 and all my “Vacation” time is used to go home and see my family.  This is also my first trip to Europe, so should be amazing.  We are flying into Lisbon, Portugal – probably spend 2-3 days there then fly to wherever our little hearts desire – maybe Paris, London, who knows!  Then I have a 5 day music festival in Brussels, Belgium – known as Tomorrowland!  I can hardly contain my excitement if I can be completely honest.  July needs to be here – LIKE NOW.  🙂

So ya… just thought I’d add a little more fun and less “WAH ME” into this entry!  Until tomorrow folks!

addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle

Weekends

As I think back to the day yesterday I can happily say I craved cheesecake more than I craved wine!!! Mind you – I ALWAYS had something to drink by my side. I went through 3 liters of lime Perrier sparkling water just to be sure at no time was I left with the thought – “what do I want to drink? I’m bored, do I want to get wine?” I think for me – that will be the key.

I depended so much on wine at nights and on weekends because I drink 3-4 liters of regular water at work the last thing I wanted was more fucking water when I got home. Well last month when I tried to cut back on drinking during the week my boyfriend was very good about buying me other things to divert me from drinking wine. And then there it was – Pellegrino and lime Perrier. To what I now see as my saving grace. As I sit here I only have 1 liter left so yes I’ll have to make a trip to the store – but for once – buying wine is not on my mind. And that, is a great feeling. I have spent basically this entire week by myself and I know that if I can get through this weekend, being alone at home, on my couch, and not drink. That I will be ok and I will get through this. I made it through yesterday – no doubt it in my mind I will make it through today. Which will be Day 7 by the way!!!!!!! Bet your ass I’m still counting lol. (I look forward to the day that I don’t know the exact number of days I’ve been sober so I have to look at my sober clock though!!)

I am still extremely nervous to mention it to anyone. For fear of “relapsing” (I hate that word….. Maybe….. Having a slight mishap? I don’t know. Ill paw on that one.). But I know I must say something to someone. To have support at home and when I decide to get back into my social life – only booze free. I opted into Belle’s 100 day challenge, and I must be honest. I still can’t fathom 100 days sober!!!!!! Not the least bit. So for me. One day at a time will have to do.