addiction, alcohol, experience, recovery, sobriety, the middle

And just like that – Darkness continues

I was doing so good for two weeks… and then I wasn’t.  Just like that in a flip of a switch I am back where I started.  How does our brain get so trained into thinking we need this substance on a day to day basis.  I woke up hating myself after drinking a bottle (and by bottle I mean more like a bottle and half) of wine last night. Somehow I always convince myself, “well you have no days under your belt, or only two days under your belt, so why bother”.  And back to the bottle I go.

22 thoughts on “And just like that – Darkness continues

  1. You have to change up something. aA? Smart recovery? Therapy? Asking your family for help.
    If nothing changes, nothing changes.

    There’s so much life to live. Don’t let booze hold you back. It’s not your friend and it’s only taking away.
    Hug. This is a hard thing. But it gets better.

  2. I can so relate to this right now, but you know what, if we don’t keep trying we will never get there, and it’s worth it. The hardest things usually are. So don’t stop trying you CAN do it x

  3. Ugh…I so feel for you. Been there. Done that. Always afraid that I will go back since I am so new to sobriety.

    I would urge you to come up with a solid plan and really work on building your support team. I had to look at getting sober in a whole new way and work that. I’m now on Day 54. A day I’ve been struggling towards for YEARS. Until this time around I NEVER got more than 2 weeks sober.

    If you need to chat, email me at

    This is hard. Don’t do it alone.

      1. Honestly, I’m not really sure. I thought moving cross country would get rid of my drinking problem. It didn’t. In fact, my drinking increased and reached scary new heights since I had no job and nothing to do all day.

        Things were getting worse and I just stopped. My body felt awful, my bf and I were fighting all the time and I knew I’d lose everything if I didn’t get a grip. The first couple of weeks were AWFUL, but I just kept going. Wracking up days. Now I’m at 64. It’s still difficult, but life got so, so much better very quickly.

        Good luck!

  4. Ugh. I am back at square one today too 😦 I am hoping this was the last trip back into the bottle. I just don’t understand how our brains can just flip the switch in a second knowing good and well that its going to regret it in the morning. Please check out my blog if you have time.

  5. Who ever said being sober makes ya feel great is talking bollox. Ten days without and I feel like death.

  6. Good luck lovely. Don’t be cross with yourself just because you have not managed it yet. Please don’t stop working toward it because when you do get alcohol free it will be very worth it. I promise you x x x

  7. Hey! Thinking of you… shoot me an email sometime. I hope you are doing well, and most importantly I hope you are happy.

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