So if you didn’t catch my last post then here it is in a snippet – “I drank.” Yup, that’s it. After I posted that blog I had multiple people who are also early on in this recovery ask me, “do you know why? what happened?” etc. type of things. It wasn’t until early this morning, 3 am to 6 am to be exact, that I laid awake in bed asking myself that very same question. And then it dawned on me… It came down to the fact that last week – the first drink I took in almost 3 weeks was to “take out the anxiety of the weekend to come.” I had brunch plans, day plans, more brunch plans, etc. this past weekend. My friends asking me why I wasn’t drinking.. ordering drinks for me… potentially drinking… all of it was giving me anxiety. I didn’t know what to do.
So – I bailed out. I had two glasses of wine by myself on Thursday evening because I already knew I wouldn’t make it through the weekend. I was so concerned with their opinion of me and me not being able to say no to drinking that I sabotaged my own sobriety. WOW. Think about that one for a second. ROUGH. I was doing – SO WELL. I felt great. I was happier at work. Looked better. Slept better. I know all this. And yet I DRANK. Out of “anxiety – and not being able to handle” saying no or other peoples thoughts on me saying no. So here I am. On No Days. That one Thursday has trickled into me drinking everyday for the past week. 😦 Onward March Sauvvy… Onward March.