addiction, alcohol, recovery, sobriety, the middle

No Days

So if you didn’t catch my last post then here it is in a snippet – “I drank.”  Yup, that’s it.  After I posted that blog I had multiple people who are also early on in this recovery ask me, “do you know why? what happened?” etc. type of things.  It wasn’t until early this morning, 3 am to 6 am to be exact, that I laid awake in bed asking myself that very same question.  And then it dawned on me… It came down to the fact that last week – the first drink I took in almost 3 weeks was to “take out the anxiety of the weekend to come.”  I had brunch plans, day plans, more brunch plans, etc. this past weekend.  My friends asking me why I wasn’t drinking.. ordering drinks for me… potentially drinking… all of it was giving me anxiety.  I didn’t know what to do.  

So – I bailed out.  I had two glasses of wine by myself on Thursday evening because I already knew I wouldn’t make it through the weekend.  I was so concerned with their opinion of me and me not being able to say no to drinking that I sabotaged my own sobriety.  WOW.  Think about that one for a second.  ROUGH.  I was doing – SO WELL.  I felt great.  I was happier at work.  Looked better.  Slept better.  I know all this.  And yet I DRANK.  Out of “anxiety – and not being able to handle” saying no or other peoples thoughts on me saying no.  So here I am.  On No Days.  That one Thursday has trickled into me drinking everyday for the past week.   😦  Onward March Sauvvy… Onward March.  

10 thoughts on “No Days

  1. I still think you’re brave because you’re blogging about your setback. You’re being honest Sauv. That’s important. You did it once, and you can do it again. You had 3 weeks under your belt. Remember how good you felt. You’ll get back to it, I know you will. You’re an inspiration to me because I’m only on day 14, and I often thing about what if… you showed me what it looks like, which removed the ‘what if’ for me. And by that, I mean if you were okay with drinking the wine, you wouldn’t have come back to your blog and talked about it. Keep posting ~ we are all in the same boat; that’s why we are here. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Lauredann! How amazing you are on day 14! Keep it up – it truly is worth it. I wish I would have given myself about a month of hibernating before putting myself into social situations like that… Lesson learned I guess.

    2. Congratulations on day 14! I started to buy myself gifts for each 10 days and other milestones. Flowers for 30 then 45. Got a cake today for 50 days. (Which needs the gym next.) Planning a facial for day 60. Plan something for 2 weeks then 3 weeks then 30 days. 🙂

  2. I am always impressed when people come back and blog after a relapse. Thank you! When I first started my blog, I read around to see what other blogs about sobriety were out there. (Never knew there was a whole community! ) But I found one that was started as a “social experiment” a few years ago. Daily blogs and mostly about how much money she was saving. Then nothing after two weeks. I guessed her experiment failed and rather than say it, she just gave up blogging.
    so thank you for not giving up, trying again, and blogging again. I recently found your blog but look forward to following it.

    1. Thank you so much for the follow Reasons! I have faith that I will one day get there… tough road it is. But gosh I hope to keep on going. I look forward to following you as well 😀

  3. I am too very glad that you’re not giving up, that is so very important! Each time you try again I am sure you are learning more about your drinking patterns. And we are here on this great journey together and you will get there, i am sure! I am sure you will figure out what works for you. I had to hibernate for sure and totally stay away from anywhere there was any alcohol. I think the most important for me was that I had to be honest with myself, i mean really honest – I would ask myself – do I belong there? Will be inclined to drink? And then play the tape thru all the way to the day after. I still do that, it’s a great tool! Hang in. Sending many hugs!

  4. I was on Day 0 yesterday, too. Today is Day 1. Again. Hopefully I get through the day without a drink. It’s so hard to pick up your momentum once you slip up.

  5. Not a big deal. I did the exact same thing 20 days in. Then I just started again at day 1 and now I’m on day 80. Simple as that. You can do it sauv, just get back on the sober horse and ride it out again one day at a time.

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